It really takes little effort to fry an egg for breakfast.
The thought hadn’t occurred to Evelyn consciously before, but now, it had. There were no other thoughts to think that morning.
She had once read in Reader’s Digest that the human brain processes eleven million pieces of information every second. Eleven million. “Eleven million!”, she chirped, flipping the egg to reveal its waxy underbelly. Instinctively, she clapped her mouth shut and averted her gaze towards the floor, embarrassed by the randomness of the outburst. The pointlessness of it all. But no one was listening to her. No one was there to listen. No one would ever listen. So what was there to be ashamed of?
It occurred to her that she might feel less alone if she started talking out loud. “Well, I guess now’s as good a time as any to start.”
“Why haven’t I done this before? That has an easy answer. Because no one in their right mind talks to themself. But there’s no right or wrong if there’s no wrong or right. Zero times zero is zero. One times one is one. So if I’m wrong, I’m right, because there’s no one who’s more right than me. And if I’m right, I’m wrong, because there’s no one who’s more wrong than me. So that means I can’t lie. But there’s no one to lie to. No one to tell the truth to. No one to be faithful to. Being selfish is the only option. But I’m not smiting anyone. Hm. I wish there was someone for me to smite. That would make things a lot more interesting.”
At this point, Evelyn realized that she had never smited anyone in her life. At least, not consciously. Yes, she’d lied a few times, but they were of no consequence to herself or the victim. But she had never made anyone a victim of anything. The smell of burning eggs interrupted her thoughts.
“Ah! Eggs are ruined. So much for it taking little effort, heh.” She switched the stove off, and scraped the charred remains into the garbage bin. Setting the pan back on the stove, she considered washing it, but thought better. There was only so much water left.
“Well. No one is forcing me to keep my clothes on.”
The November (was it still November? The Gregorian calendar had never seemed so arbitrary) air
instantly penetrated her pores. Shivering, but exhilarated, she whisked open her curtains and stared triumphantly into the street. Her eyes came to rest on Mrs. Crook’s house, and she chuckled to herself with the knowledge that she would never see that old bird’s self-satisfied smirk again.
But if the street was still standing, then so was the grocery store. And the post office. And the bank. Not at all timidly, she whisked her way out the door, grabbing a thin scarf off the coat rack and wrapping it around her chest in a cursory way before casting it off on Mrs. Crook’s lawn.
The bell above the entrance to the market tinkled as she pulled it open. Evelyn glanced up at it, feeling an odd sense of gratitude. Here she was, standing in front of the deserted aisles, with no one to bear witness to her lunacy. But the bell knew she was there, and paid her acknowledgement accordingly. Perusing the grains section, picking off challah loaves and tortillas alike, she had never felt such clarity in her purpose.
Some time later- she had made the decision to stop paying attention to clocks much earlier- night began to fall. She pulled on a pair of spandex pants and a Reebok vest from the clearance section, and once again submerged herself in the twilight of reality and her own disbelief. No one could have anticipated that the lights wouldn’t need to stay on. So as she gazed south down what was a bustling arterial 24 hours before, the garish glow of the financial district gazed back. It was a small gesture, for the lights to stay on. She humored herself with it being a courtesy on her behalf. One day, the lights would go off. She wasn’t entirely sure of what she would do when that happened.
But for now, she admired the tint of the sky. Distant planets winked back. She could almost make out the mischief in their light. As if to say, “It will end soon. But it will end with you, and you alone. This is our gift to you.”